Filed under: Bizarre, Celebrities, Design, People | Tags: heidi montag, plastic surgery, spencer pratt
By now I’m used to celebrities getting plastic surgery; unlike people I know in real life, celebs don’t seem real to me, and I’m okay with them changing themselves as one would the nail polish or a pair of shoes. It’s safe to say I spend my free time doing things of no benefit to me in any way, and this includes looking at celebrity websites, namely Perez Hilton and Pink Is The New Blog. They’re fun and distracting, and almost like reading a serial soap opera online. I get to enjoy the perks of gossip without the backlash of hurting anyone I actually know, and to me these people are like characters in a book. A horrible, boring book.
Today, though, I saw something that actually freaked me out and got me thinking. It was a picture of Heidi Montag, that MTV non-celebrity who has become so ubiquitous in tabloids. Only it was a picture of her from 2006. That was about the time her existence was first acknowledged by the television-watching world, when we knew her as LC’s annoying roommate. After she moved out, Heidi began an intense transformation, which, somehow, I hadn’t really picked up on until now.
Heidi before and after her first surgeries.
Just a note: I don’t give a shit about Heidi Montag. This isn’t about her, it’s about the way people feel they need to change their appearances to suit their lifestyles. This includes the Ashlee Simpsons and Demi Moores of the world. Heidi Montag’s transformation just scared me because I didn’t notice it was happening, or had happened, until I saw the old picture of her. It was as though your best friend had slowly turned her eyes green from grey and you didn’t notice until they were already a different color. I feel like I was missing something.
Another reason Montag’s change makes me feel weird is that before her plastic surgeries, she looked like a normal, pretty college girl. She’s my age. She now looks like a 30-something ex-debutante who spends all her money scrounging up vicodin and buying clothing to make herself look younger. Her face in the “before” picture could be someone in my class, in my dorm, walking past me on the street who I wouldn’t notice. And then I’d turn around to get a second look and they’d have fried bleached-out hair and a nose job and be strutting in front of 100 cameras.
Heidi Montag now, with her husband Spencer Pratt.
Heidi Montag as she used to be.
Heidi Montag, why did you get plastic surgery? Your boyfriend is a douche and a half, as anyone who has ever seen “The Hills” knows. You, and every girl, should know better than to do something this grotesquely personal for a guy. Your face is different and it’s no wonder you alienated all your friends. I don’t think I’d be able to look in the eyes of someone I used to know as a normal person who now looks like she was molded out of silly putty and coated in makeup and hairspray. This isn’t just to Heidi Montag, this is regarding anyone who thinks they can make themselves into a walking doll and still maintain their old lifestyle. Montag’s (now) husband is the only one who hangs out with her because he’s probably the one who urged her to change herself. It just bums me out that her friends and family let it happen and now she looks vaguely like her own evil twin. Ladies, don’t let this happen to you.
Robin
I will admit that I first started watching Lost because of Lord of the Rings. That might not make sense to most people out there, but it did to me: Domanic Monaghan, who played Merry in the famous trilogy, was a prominent cast member in a pilot that, as far as I knew when it began, was about a plane crash.
I’ve stuck with Lost through thick and thin, hungrily watching each episode, waiting for clues and researching online message boards. I followed all the viral videos and websites, the subliminal hints hidden in each frame, things that most people might not pick up on but the online Lost fan community did in a second. There’s the essential Lostpedia, a wiki-site containing most of the knowledge about the show that exists. There’s lost-tv, which contains an always useful message board. I’ve followed them all, faithfully taking mental notes and remembering tiny details.
Blacklight picture from the hatch.
I was dumbfounded and unbelievably intrigued by the Dharma Initiative and the Others; they were such a mystery to me I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around their mere existence or presence on the island. Walt’s supernatural powers drove me crazy with questions of why and how. Desmond and the machine he controlled filled my thoughts all the time, constantly questioning what he was doing. What did the stations mean? What was that crazy blacklight writing all over the wall in the hatch? Why were the animals stamped with the Dharma logo? Who was Charles Widmore? Who was Marvin Candle? What the hell was going on?
I might not have known what was happening, but I was hooked. I breathed and slept Lost and spent my free time online searching for answers. I went through every single aspect of the “Lost Experience,” and immersed myself in the mystery. I dove deep into the oddities of the Hanso Foundation Website, part of the “experience” (which has now been officially dubbed a “game”), and tried to decode its meaning. I watched all of the “Rachel Blake” videos and followed along.
There was even a fake book with a fake author, all a metaphor for the show. There are mysteries Lost has never even bothered to explain to us, things they’ll probably never explain to us, but that’s been okay with me. What isn’t okay is that the show has completely lost its shit now. I get it, the whole time-travel thing. It’s exciting, it’s weird, whatever. But it explains too much. It’s a catch-all, just as if they had shown Desmond waking up at the beginning of this season saying, “thank god it was all just a dream.” I don’t want the answer to everything to be, “oh, they could time travel. Duh.”
Never forget!
I do feel to some degree that the show “jumped the shark” after they left the island. They were never supposed to leave; I say “supposed” not in the sense they mean on the show, I mean to maintain any mystique they weren’t supposed to leave the island. They were supposed to deal with being on the island and the mysteries it held. I don’t care about Juliet and Sawyer, I don’t care about Miles and his ability, I just want answers and more mysteries and answers and more mysteries. I never want to stop being confused and enthralled by the show, and I don’t want to feel pissed off at the end of every episode, saying, “but they can’t do that!”
At least we know who Marvin Candle is. And at least we know who Charles Widmore is. But who is Alvar Hanso? What is the Hanso Foundation? What was that giant foot of the statue? What’s up with all the different stations around the world? I never wanted to know what the smoke monster was. I just wanted it to keep working its magic. Just the same, I never wanted to know about a lot of things on the show that they decided to reveal; by doing so, they chose to ignore the more important questions I still had. Lost, I’ll never forgive you if you blame every single thing that’s ever happened on the show on time travel. You don’t get a free pass on everything that you made up and wanted people so desperately to become invested in. Now that we are, those of us who stuck around through the hard times deserve better from you.
Robin
Lately I’ve been feeling kind of like an old lady. By lately I mean the past two or three years. I’m not complaining, I just have been feeling very old… I don’t have the same spunk or whatever as I did as a teenager, which is kind of a bummer. Plus my little sister is turning 17, and I’m pretty depressed about that. 17 was one of my favorite ages, and I feel like I was just there. So here’s a basic rundown of the factors that contribute to my aged feelings.
1: I love to knit.
My life now.
For most of my time at UConn I’ve been social chair of UConn Knitters & Co. Granted, I haven’t really had time to attend any meetings this semester/year, but I still technically hold my title. And it still counts because I knit all the time whenever I can. Especially when watching all those bad movies I love so much.
2: I will watch/listen to anything.
I used to be a discriminating, cynical teenager, unwilling to even listen to certain genres of music without crying out in disgust, totally anti-establishment and hated most of what was on t.v. It seems things have really changed as I find myself at 2 p.m. watching TLC
From "Born Without A Face". I live for this stuff.
medical dramas in a daze, eating yogurt in leggings and just kind of not caring. My 16-year-old self would throw up if she saw me now. I can sit on the couch with my roommates for hours and watch the worst kind of stuff on television, watch the dumbest movies online (see: movie marathon last tuesday), I’m okay with listening to pretty much anything on the radio (the only station I get every time I drive home from Rhode Island is country and I’ve slowly become ok with this. why? WHY?). Anyway. I comfort myself by saying it’s making me more “cultured.” Or whatever.
3: I don’t like loud people.
From 7th to 9th grade, I used to hang out with the loudest, most obnoxious kids you would ever accidentally encounter in a Starbucks and hastily leave because of. These kids were pretty much always stoned and looking to cause trouble and bugging adults just because they could, wandering aimlessly around our town center and being the people most normal members of society avoided. By the time I was in 10th grade, I’d dumped these kids and gotten better High School friends who helped me get on honor roll and into college, and yes, I guess I started being more normal around that time, but I could still stay up all night and drink when I was 17. And I loved being loud and singing and yelling. I’ll admit I still act that way around my friends at home, but in public when I see kids bothering adults just to get a rise out of them, or when people are unnecessarily loud just to get attention, instead of wanting to join in, I want to call the police.
4: I can’t stay up late anymore.
Me and my roommate Ari in High School. I was probably drunk. And it was probably 5 a.m.
This is one of the more ambiguous reasons because my sleep patterns can vary so much. Suffice it to say that throughout High School I could stay up until 6 a.m. and be perfectly fine the next day at 10 when my friends and I would go get breakfast at the diner. The last time I stayed up all night was the night I first met my boyfriend and we walked around campus until it got light out (though I really only did that because he made me). Since then, my latest nights are usually brought on by accident, especially in the Summer when my sleeping patterns change and I start going to sleep at 6 and sleeping til 2. This happens usually once a summer and I have to stay up for 48 hours to reset my body clock. Recently, though, as you can see by my Spring Weekend entry, I’ve been going to sleep before 2. Sad.
No wrinkles as of yet, but this sunburn may have sped them along. I’ll keep you posted on just how old I’m feeling once I reach 22.
Robin
Since I transferred to UConn, I’ve always felt just a pinch removed from it as a community member; I never had an orientation, I only know the teachers in the Journalism department, etc. But that all disappears on spring weekend, that most carefree of weekends when everyone is drunk and walking around parking lots every night. Here’s a play-by-play of my experience this year- I have to say, it was better than those in the past. But I also apologize in advance to my parents, if they’re reading this! I promise I was responsible and safe. It was spring weekend, I had to go out! Ok. Don’t be mad. Anyway.
Thursday
Jan (aka Yon, aka boyfriend) gets here around 4. I bought this terrible mixer-syrup drink thing called “buttershots” that’s supposed to be great for making cocktails. It tastes like a pancake, which I thought was great, but everyone else hated.
Don't try this.
Jan and I have a couple of drinks at my apartment and then take the bus to the music building, where I have a half hour of Chordials rehearsal. All of the Chordials are drunk and rehearsal falls apart, so we walk over to St. Mark’s church to hear some of the other groups sing before we head off to Carriage (official location of spring weekend Thursday). In St. Mark’s, Jan laughs loud and alone in the middle of a quiet song; more of a bark of “HA” really. But it’s so funny and loud that I start laughing
uncontrollably. I’m pretty sure everyone in the church was drunk, except the priestess, who was knitting on the stairs.
After the a cappella concert, we all walk towards the rape trail together. Once there, we all kind of disperse. Carriage is probably the easiest night to be with your friends as all the houses are numbered so you can find everyone easier. Jan and I go between three or so houses throughout the night, get exhausted, and leave around 11:30. On the walk home on the rape trail, he picks up individual leaves and lights them on fire, explaining that the smell reminds him of his childhood and that he loves the “nostalgia” of it. We are promptly laughed at by people walking in front of us for this explanation. Once we get back to my apartment, we eat DP Dough and listen to Beyoncé. Good start to the weekend.
Carriage on Spring Weekend
Friday
Woken at 10a.m. by some kind of street-cleaner contraption noise outside my window. Jan and I go grocery shopping and then head over to Willington Oaks, where our friends Liz and Nick and Kelly live. I wasn’t ready for all the heat and am wearing a black shirt and jeans, and Kelly has to loan me a sun dress because it’s about 80 degrees out. We spend the day sitting on the stoop having a barbecue, which kicks off 3 days of eating nonstop for me (basically). Surprisingly, I don’t get a sunburn, and am so full of hotdogs and hamburgers I don’t even feel like drinking. After napping on the couch I’m rejuvenated and have my second wind, so Jan and I go back to my apartment. No one is there so we make our own drinks, which are pretty disgusting because I tried to conserve money and buy the cheapest alcohol available. We walk across the street to my friend’s apartment, and then we all walk the rape trail.
The Rape Trail on Spring Weekend
Celeron was maybe the most crowded I’ve ever seen it, and I pretty much had to run to keep up with Jan, who is so tall that he can leap through crowds like a gazelle. It was the eve of one of the Chordials’ birthdays, so she was walking with us too. The 3 of us lost everyone else we were with, but miraculously found my friend Caroline under a tree. There’s no service at Celeron on spring weekend, which I’m guessing is due to the overcrowding and the thousands of people trying to make calls at once. We lose Caroline soon after finding her, but run into two of Jan’s friends and wander with them. Around 12:30 we’ve pretty much exhausted our aimless-walking capabilities and head back up the rape trail to my apartment.
Celeron on Spring Weekend
It’s already my friend’s birthday by the time we get back on campus, so we stop at Sgt. Pep’s and I get us a pizza to celebrate. The five of us devour it as soon as we get to my apartment, even though Jan and I had been eating cookout food all day. His friends leave after eating and I tuck my friend in on my couch. Everyone is so tired that we all just pass out. I’m just glad I got out of Celeron alive and without stepping on broken glass or anything.
Saturday
Had to wake up at 9 to meet the Chordials so we could sing at Oozeball (UConn’s traditional “volleyball, but with mud). Everyone is exhausted and none of us can really talk, let alone sing, from yelling over the noise of the crowd from the night before. I thought I was being weather-smart by wearing jorts and a t-shirt… turns out it was too hot for that. Either way, we all feel very awkward because the throngs of people playing oozeball clearly are enjoying the rap blasting out over the field, and they probably don’t want to hear us sing all-female a cappella during their weekend of debauchery. We’re uncomfortable, but really too tired to care too much, and no one can really hear us anyway because there are only 3 microphones. I’m not trying too hard to impress anyone anyway because Jan is still asleep and anyone I know who would be up at 10a.m. probably isn’t playing oozeball.
But soon everything is okay as we realize there’s tons of free stuff on the field. After singing we rush up to the food area and eat hot dogs and hamburgers and brownies and chips. And lots of water. Because all of a sudden it’s 90 degrees. I drive back up to my apartment, wake up Jan, and we head back down to the field so he can get some free food and schwag they’re giving away. We take some fun, but cheesy, but free photobooth pictures, which I would scan if I could. There are people riding around on rented Segways and stilts. Before we came back I changed into a tank top because it was so hot outside. Guess what! My roommates and I don’t have any sunblock. I figured I’d probably get a little burnt, but nothing more than a rosy glow.
We call some friends and they come hang out with us for a while. We go back over to Willington Oaks with them and hang out for a while, and then head over to Margarita’s for my friend’s birthday dinner. Jan and I are both exhausted from walking around all day, and the soles of my feet are covered in blisters from my sandals. We sit in the Mexican restaurant surrounded by 10 of our friends and acquaintances, both of us feeling kind of funny. Also I’m out of money by this point so we just order an appetizer and share one soda. Cool.
Totally exactly where I want to be when I have sun poisoning!
When we get back to my apartment we realize why we both felt funny; because of our friend the sun. Jan is just burnt a little on his neck and cheeks. The whole of my back, chest, shoulders and upper arms, as well as the back of my knees and the top of my feet are covered in the worst, most raw sunburn I’ve ever had (sidenote for my mom: this will never happen again!). I can barely allow clothing to touch me without feeling the worst pain I’ve experienced in a very long time. Plus I’m hobbling around like a grandmother because the soles of my feet are blistered.
OW
We go back to Willington Oaks and I don’t even feel anywhere near in a drinking mood. Probably because of all the sun poisoning. Anyway, the only booze we have left is the gross syrup stuff with nothing to mix it with. My friends are celebrating the birthday still and they live right across from our other friends with whom we barbecued. Throughout the night Jan and I walk back and forth between the two apartments until we get so tired that we just give up and head back to Hilltop.
We watch 3/4 of Notorious and pass out. Except he just passes out at first, while I am in excruciating pain and searching desperately for the sheet of paper that tells us how to change the temperature in our apartment. It’s currently set to 70 degrees for some horrible, horrible unknown reason, and I can’t find anything online to fix this. I’m scurrying around the apartment and rifling through my roommates’ drawers trying to find the number when Marcella gets home and loans me her fan. After plugging it in and pointing it at my face I pass out too.
Sunday
We sleep late and my roommates and Jan and I all go to the dining hall for breakfast where we gorge ourselves on pancakes and sausage and eggs. The sunburn is so bad that I have to cover it up with a t-shirt because the heat of the sun, even with sunblock on, makes me feel like I’m frying eggs on myself. Jan has to head back home and after he leaves I run to CVS to pick up aloe and strong sunblock with the $8 or so that I have left. Ari and I spend the rest of the day recovering inside and watching shows about the best sandwiches in America. Marcella miraculously returns home with a leftover grinder which Ari and I eat ravenously. More sitting around happens, then we watch Rachel Getting Married. Now we’re all tired and I feel so out of it because of the sunburn. I’ve been chugging water and trying to apply aloe every hour or so, but I still am in so much pain.
Basically, the weekend was alright, but there’s no way I could keep up with doing spring-weekend like stuff every weekend. I skipped the final night of partying at X-Lot (Saturday’s designated party area) because I just don’t feel like standing in a parking lot, pretty much ever, and I knew that out of the tens of thousands of drunk people there I would only probably want to be around 10 and I would only actually be able to find maybe 1, not including Jan.
But besides that, I learned a valuable lesson about sunblock. When I get home for the summer I think I’ll go to the dermatologist right away for a mole scan, just to check everything out. For now, I’m going to try to sleep despite the pain in my upper body, with the fan pointed at my face, slowly recovering my normal skin and dignity.
Robin
Last semester I could probably be forgiven for sitting around watching movies during all of my free time. I had bronchitis for the first month or so of school, had just learned how to download files off of the school network, and my boyfriend had an awesome sound system set up, perfect for all-day movie marathons. Alas, that time passed; my boyfriend took the semester off, and with it, his speakers; my beloved computer died without warning, and along with it all of my movies and my downloading program; and my bronchitis passed, leaving me with no excuse to sit around all the time.
Turns out, though, I don’t really care whether or not I have an excuse. I’m just lazy, and I don’t care who knows it. When I have to work and actually get somewhere or get something done, I do it quickly, and well; but when I have free time, or nothing to do, I’m so, so lazy.
And today, with the combination of bad weather and being at my apartment alone, I was inclined to sit around and do nothing. After chatting on the phone until I had nothing left to talk about, showering, making lunch, and taking care of most other time-wasters I could think of, I gave in. I started watching movies.
Although I don’t really realize it in my daily life, I love movies, especially bad ones. I feel I have fairly good taste when it comes to my favorite movies, but when it comes to wasting time watching bootlegs online, I don’t care whether a movie might turn out to be a favorite or not. Most of the time I go into a movie-watching situation knowing full well that what I’m about to watch is going to suck. But I watch anyway! Because I just love the experience of watching a new movie, whether it’s cheesy or serious, just getting to see something new is fun for me. Especially if I don’t really have to move off of my bed to do so.
So, today was somewhat of a movie marathon for me. And I feel enriched for the experience. Out of the 4 movies I watched, one was really, very good. Here’s the list of movies I watched today.
What?
This movie is about a bunch of Scottish women who go spelunking in an uncharted cave. Guess what? That’s almost never a cool idea. You can probably see where this is going. They end up encountering and fighting native bat-people that live in the cave and eat humans and other animals. While the movie offered cheap jumps and thrills, it had little substance other than a lame subplot involving one of the women’s tragically killed husband and daughter. 4/10! Also, though, I definitely had a nightmare earlier during a nap as a direct result of this movie.
Grey Gardens
Little Edie and Edith
Now THIS was a good movie. I’m talking about the original version, because I don’t have HBO and can’t find the new one online anywhere. This is a documentary from 1975 about Edith Bouvier and her daughter, “Little” Edie Bouvier Beale. They were relatives of Jackie Onassis, former aristocrats who lost all their money when Edith’s (Little Edie’s mother) husband abandoned his family and moved to Mexico, taking his fortune with him. Edith and Edie lived off of their Tiffany jewelry, selling the pieces off one by one so they could keep buying food. The women lived alone together in the estate where the family had been raised, in East Hampton. The house was called Grey Gardens as it at one time had a world-famous garden, which had become wildly overgrown by the time the filmmakers came to make the documentary.
The movie shows Edith and Edie’s life of squalor; they live in the rotting mansion with 8 cats and raccoons running around everywhere. The house and yard are littered with trash and cat food cans, and there is animal feces everywhere. In the early 1970’s, the Bouvier family (Jackie Onassis’ kin) stepped in to help the two women as the legislature of East Hampton was going to evict them due to their failure to comply to any of the health code regulations for the house.
This movie was a sad portrait of two lives wasted. Edith spends most of her time on the porch or sitting in bed, screaming for Edie to help her with little tasks and scolding her daughter. Meanwhile, Edie laments the life she could have had, talking constantly about her missed opportunities to go into show business and her desire to move back to New York. She reveals that at a younger age she was courted by and proposed to by some of the richest men in America, including Howard Hughes. When the documentary was made, though, Edie had been living with her mother again for almost 20 years, helping her with absolutely everything. She can’t leave her side, and is trapped in the relationship with her mother, and they are both so utterly codependent upon one another it’s hard to believe they function at all with other people.
Edie was so charming and likable that it truly saddened me to see her stuck forever in the decrepit house in which she grew up, taking care of an old woman who is neither kind nor sympathetic towards her. The movie is beautiful, though, and I hope to see the remake soon. 9/10!
Knowing
Here you go.
This movie was awful, just as I knew it would be. Are you surprised? Nicholas Cage has been making the same movie with a slightly different premise every year for the past 10 years. I SWEAR his character in this movie was the exact same one as in The Wicker Man, a movie so bad that if it were a comedy, it would be the funniest movie I’ve ever seen. Evidence: just watch this montage of Wicker Man clips. Keep in mind that this is meant to be a serious movie.
So in this movie, he plays the same obnoxious, nameless, bland, generic “single dad whose wife is tragically missing/dead/remarried” and, just like most of his other movies, this has a weird sci-fi twist to it. Pretty much from the first 10 minutes you can tell this is going to have something to do with aliens. Totally not worth the 2 hour running time and horrible bootleg copy with people walking in front of the camera. If you want to waste your time watching a slightly disappointing sci-fi thriller single-dad movie, just watch Signs. At least it’s entertaining. 3/10!
17 Again
So wrong, but so right.
Ok, listen. I didn’t hate this movie. In fact, parts of it were very funny. DON’T JUDGE ME! Who knew Zac Efron had it in him to do comedy? Although this also just proves he can’t not play a High Schooler on the basketball team. Pretty much, Chandler from Friends magically becomes his high school self and falls back in love with his wife, crazy lady from Knocked Up. But the true stars of this movie are Thomas Lennon of Reno 911 fame, and Jan from The Office. I don’t feel like looking up her actual name. But it’s a good fun movie if you have nothing else to do! Except I’d wait until it comes out on dvd. The bootleg copy was pretty bad. 7/10!
I’m just going to turn my computer off before I watch anything else!
Robin
Ok I’m REALLY sorry I’ve been bad about blogging this week, but Friday was the Chordials Spring concert and the entire week was insane with rehearsals and whatnot. Thursday night I was at the music building from 6:30-11:30 and then this weekend my family was visiting and I just never found an hour where I wasn’t too dead exhausted to sit at the computer. I swear, Boyz II Men style, that this week I’ll be better.
Anyway, I’ll show you all pictures and video from the Chordials concert at another time, but for right now, here is something to start your day off right. I don’t know if this is real or a hoax- but if it’s fake this girl is a comedic genius. It’s too good to be real. But my roommates and I spend too much time on the internet and fully enjoyed this hidden treasure of youtube. I hope you like it just as much as we do!
Robin
It would be an understatement to say my siblings and I had a liberal upbringing; almost nothing was taboo in our family, which I consider a great thing. It also meant that my parents allowed us to watch pretty much whatever movie we wanted to (or didn’t want to) from a very young age. Here are a few of the most inappropriate ones that my sisters and I watched often as kids.
The Shining
My sister and I in Vermont, circa 1996.
This was a family favorite. We went up to Vermont every Winter break for most of my childhood, so I think this one got repeated viewings more for its irony factor than anything else. My parents thought, correctly, that it would be funny for us all to watch it while we were on vacation in a cabin in Vermont, snowed in, together. Turns out this is actually probably my favorite movie of all time. Now you know why!
Arachnophobia
The only man who can save us!
Anyone who knows me at all knows that I have a crippling fear of spiders. This movie is most likely accountable for that fear, despite its ridiculousness. I watched it again recently and was laughing most of the time, partially because Jeff Daniels is just funny to watch but mostly because of the fake tarantulas. Still, though, I get the creeps just thinking about reaching over to turn off my lamp and getting a fateful bite, just like the old lady in this movie. I inherited my personal arachnophobia from my mom, who, I’m guessing, made us watch the movie in an attempt to conquer her own fear.
Ed Wood
L to R: Johnny Depp, my Dad when he still drank
There’s actually a good story behind this one. Way, way back when my dad still drank (he’s been sober about 13 years) he somehow, I have no idea how or why, befriended a carnival worker in our town while my mom brought my sisters and I on rides. I’m 90% sure he was drunk off his ass. Anyway, we go home after the carnival and my parents invite two or three friends over to watch this movie with them. Rachel (my sister) and I are sitting with them, watching, getting confused by the movie and just whining like little kids and stuff. Around midnight (staying up late was another part of our upbringing) the phone starts ringing. The answering machine comes on. It’s the carnie. He leaves my dad a message in his creepy carnie voice, asking to hang out, and signs off. Five minutes later: he calls again. My mom is yelling not to answer it, so we all just listen. He sounds angrier this time. This continues every few minutes for maybe a half an hour, when the enraged carnival worker finally yells into the answering machine, “I looked up your address, I’m coming to your house!” My dad frantically jumps up and runs outside with a can of spraypaint, and sprays over the numbers on our mailbox, hoping this will throw off the determined freak if he indeed shows up. He never made it to our house. Good memories.
Beetlejuice
This still haunts me.
This was one of our absolute favorites! Rachel idolized Winona Ryder, and we’d all loved her in Little Women and Edward Scissorhands, so it was only natural we’d appreciate this movie. Although it’s meant to be a comedy, and it is very funny (I love Alec Baldwin especially), it’s fairly terrifying. The one scene I remember having nightmares about is when Geena Davis and Alec Baldwin are trying to scare the new residents of their house by pulling on their faces and stretching them into scary, unnatural shapes. I hate that. But also, love it. Fun fact: this movie is also how I learned the word “plummeted.”
Scream
That's how I feel, too.
Oh, scream. The first ten minutes of this movie are SO unsettling, I can’t believe my parents would have watched this with us and after the shot of Drew Barrymore hanging in her yard, said, “let’s just watch for a little longer. Or for the rest of the movie.” We watched this one all the time. So much so that Rachel was the killer from the movie one halloween, and a different year I made my own costume with guts falling out of my shirt. One gem of a scene that I remember: Neve Campbell and her boyfriend having sex to “Don’t Fear the Reaper.” COME ON parents.
Mermaids
It wasn't Danny DeVito, it was the guy from Who Framed Roger Rabbit!
I haven’t met many people who have actually seen this movie outside of my family. In fact, I don’t even really remember what it’s about, other than Cher, Winona Ryder, and Christina Ricci, the latter two happen to have been Rachel’s two favorite actresses ever. Their union in a movie made it impossible for us not to watch it, and we definitely taped this onto a VHS and still have a copy of it in our house. From what I remember, Danny DeVito is in this also, Christina Ricci falls into a river and almost drowns and Cher yells at Winona Ryder because she was off having sex in a church (maybe?) while she was supposed to be watching Christina. Kids love this kind of thing, obviously.
And finally…
I WAS JUST A BABY.
This movie came out in 1999, and I saw it in theatres with my mom and little sister Zoë. Which means I was 12, and Zoë was 7. 7 YEARS OLD. We all sat together in the theater, dominated by 20 and 30-year-olds, listening to the most disgusting songs ever, watching animated Saddam Hussein making out with Satan, and culminating in Cartman’s mega-swear-magic ending to defeat evil. I have such a clear image in my head of us sitting in the movies, Zoë staring at the screen blank-faced, and even then I thought, oh my god. What are we doing here.
I love my parents for allowing us to watch these movies. I know for a fact my sisters and I wouldn’t be who we are today if we hadn’t been exposed to this kind of thing, and I’m not sure if I’ll go out of my way to show them to kids someday, but they’ve got to learn about this stuff eventually. Better you watch this stuff with them than have them find out about it on their own! Now, go out and rent The Shining.
Robin
The other day I found a website that simultaneously made me want to throw up and laugh and cry. No, it wasn’t Perez Hilton. It was the aptly-titled and somewhat disgusting website thisiswhyyourefat.com. The site is basically a blog of pictures and descriptions of horrible food creations people have come up with. Some gems include:
2-lb Cheeseburger
The 2-lb cheeseburger- clearly just 8 quarter-pounder-with-cheese’s stacked up between two buns. At least there are less carbs without the extra buns…?
The Elvis Donut
The Elvis Donut: A peanut butter glazed donut topped with bananas and bacon. Minus the bacon, this sounds awesome. Don’t get me wrong, I love bacon. But there’s a time and a place.
Taco Town Taco
This just seems like an abomination against tacos. I almost can’t believe the description given, but regardless, the Taco Town Taco is: a crunchy beef taco with nacho cheese, lettuce, tomato and southwestern sauce wrapped in a soft flour tortilla with a layer of refried beans in between, then wrapped in a corn tortilla with a layer of Monterey Jack cheese in a deep fried gordita shell with guacamole sauce baked in a corn husk topped with pico de gallo, wrapped in a crepe, filled with egg, griere cheese, sausage and portobello mushrooms, all wrapped in a chicago-style deep dish pizza wrapped in a blueberry pancake and finally deep fried with spicy vegetarian chili dipping sauce.
WHAT? Ok, I can’t think about that. Especially because the only food in my apartment right now is tomato soup.
The 30,000 Calorie Sandwich
Ah, the crown jewel of high cholesterol. This seems like the kind of thing you might think of when it’s 4a.m. and you’re drunk and hungry on the floor of your apartment trying to think of the fattiest, most disgusting foods you can with your roommate. Here’s the description: A sandwich filled with ground beef, bacon, corn dogs, ham, pastrami, roast beef, bratwurst, braunschweiger and turkey, topped with fried mushrooms, onion rings, swiss/provolone/cheddar/feta/parmesan cheeses, lettuce and butter on a loaf white bread.
A WHOLE LOAF OF BREAD. Ugh. One good thing, though: I started off looking at the site really hungry, and by now I’m so grossed out that I never want to eat again. It seems to me that most of the foods on there have 2 things in common: bacon and being deep-fried. So, note to self- stop deep frying bacon.
And now I’m going to go sigh discontentedly in front of my cabinet full of soup.
Robin
In this spirit of April being awful so far, here’s an excerpt from T.S. Eliot’s The Waste Land. I heard recently that Eliot actually plagiarized much of this poem, which makes me very sad, but it’s still a great read.
I’ll update with an actual blog sometime later today but I’m still stuck borrowing laptops because I don’t have a computer again yet!
Robin
Filed under: Technology | Tags: awful, bad, crash, hard drive, macbook, pandora
Let me preface this by saying, this was a terrible, horrible no-good very-bad week. Things started out alright; I had just finished up making 5 pages of cd artwork for my a capella group‘s upcoming cd (the artwork had to be in by this weekend), I was done building my website for my online journalism class and just needed to put it online, and I was just hanging out and minding my own business. And then, on Monday night, tragedy struck.
My beloved MacBook passed away right before my eyes. As I held its dead body and wept, a single thought occurred to me: I will do anything ever to recover all the stuff I just lost. Except stop crying. I didn’t do that.
2005 - 2009. Rest in peace.
Yesterday, I traveled to the closest Apple store, which is 45 minutes away, which seems a little ridiculous to me. But anyway. The guy at the genius bar could clearly tell I had been weeping, not to mention I was developing a cold and my sinuses were so backed up all my “p”s became “b”s. “Blease,” I said, “is there anything you can do? I need everything on there… I had Bhotoshob on there,” I mumbled tremulously, trying to keep it together. My “genius” seemed very sympathetic and took the hard drive out of the computer and handed it to me in a technology-body bag. “Sorry,” he said. “I can help you find someone who knows more about data recovery.”
So my genius and I sat together and he watched pityingly as I called a nearby recovery service and explained my situation to them. “The initial consultation itself is $50,” explained Victor, the recovery expert. “Then, if we send it off somewhere, it’s probably gonna run you about 6 or $700.” My genius politely looked away as I gasped and then started just openly crying. I set up an appointment with Victor and tucked my dead laptop and precious hard drive into my bag. “Good luck,” said the genius and all I could do was nod and sulk my way out of the store.
Once in the mall lobby I called my mom to tell her what had happened and just completely broke down, with West Farms regulars walking past me and avoiding any proximity to me. After pulling myself together I made the sad drive back to UConn.
That evening my mom and sister came up to see me and go to the aforementioned Tuva Day celebration (which was AMAZING) and my mom brought me my dad’s old computer, which looks like Wall-E.
My temporary computer...
... and Wall-E.
So this computer was my dad’s work desktop for a few years, but he never put music or many applications on it, which wouldn’t normally be so bad. But since it’s the version of Mac that came out right before 10.4, I can’t download Flash or Firefox or any application pretty much. Oh and I also can’t listen to anyone’s shared music either. And there’s no music on here, and since you need flash to watch YouTube, I can’t do that either.
How am I still sane, you ask? Well, for starters, I woke up with a nasty cold today and have been taking DayQuil for the past 15 hours. But besides that I’ve been using a lovely application called Pandora. It’s basically a free streaming radio website that allows users to type in an artist they like, and it builds a radio station around their choice by playing artists listed under similar descriptions. So if you like country music, it will only play country; if you like soft rock, it will only play soft rock; indie, you’ll only get indie, etc. It’s been amazing. And it’s completely free, and users can save their playlists. I’ve been listening to my station for about 2 hours and I haven’t once gotten to a song I don’t like
.
Example of a Pandora homepage
So if you’re out of luck like me, Pandora may be the answer for you. I’ll keep you posted with the status of my hard drive… knock on wood for me.
Robin
P.s., this was not an April Fool’s day joke. I swear.
internet interest 